So it was raining yesterday, and today again wonderfully, and I didn't have to leave until about ten thirty. I get up, J was off work because it was vets day but she had a viewing of a co-workers step-mother so she left, and I ate breakfast and drank coffee and read the news online and looked out at the cool autumn rain from inside the warmth of the apartment that is now home. It was all rather pleasant. The time came for me to depart and instead of pouring the remaining contents of my ceramic coffee cup into a travel mug I decided that I should just take the mug with me and it would fit in my cup holder...no big deal. I get outside and the rain is coming down light but steady and I have to sit the mug on the roof of my car. I get may bag loaded and there is my mug, steaming away on the roof of the car. I grab it and fit it nicely into the cup-holder and I set out, the mug still steaming away like an old-time train engine. It's the city so there are lots of stops at lights and more stops where there is no apparent reason and I was given plenty of opportunities to enjoy my steaming coffee from the traditional mug. While stopped at light I finished the coffee and I was thinking back to a gathering I was at the other night. There was a guy there drinking coffee, inside, from a travel mug. He was lounging in the living room drinking from an insulated, lidded travel mug. Now maybe he was out of normal mugs or maybe they were all dirty or maybe the children broke them, but I saw somebody else later drinking form a ceramic mug so I think not. And this is the problem: We have lost the art of coffee drinking. One of my friends said about coffee "it's about quantity in the morning, not quality." I would like to politely disagree. Quality should be paramount when it comes to our coffee...we should be (and some are) picky, snobby, even down right rude to guarantee that we will be consuming coffee that is of high quality. But even that is not enough for even in doing so we ignore the art of consuming it. Paper cups, cups with lids, stainless steal and rubber composed mugs, bah, it is all ruinous. We do not go to a stadium, paint out chests, yell like hoodlums, drink massive amounts of fermented beverages, and/or throw said beverages on people who disagree with our interpretation of the Claude Monet work that is on display. That would be ridiculous, obviously. In the same light, I feel, we should reconsider how we drink our coffee. We should slow down, enjoy it, and make sure that not more than five cups pass us by without discussing something of at least mild importance with somebody nearby. Personally, I think we would all be happier, healthier, more balanced, and far less rude in the end.

Just a thought.

So with my new job i've been a little worried that one of my clients will be able to google my name and read my xanga. For a little I had it on friends lock, but there are some people who aren't even on xanga who want to read so...i guess i'll wait until I get in trouble. Hopefully that doesn't happen but we'll see. After this post they'll probably discontinue their reading anyway...

There have been a lot of topics I thought about for this post. Due to it's present pop-culture pull Healthcare reform has been on my mind. I had a long talk with my dad about it. We disagree but it was respectful and I see where he is coming from, I just want something different. But that's the kicker isn't it?? Respectful. A representative yells "you lie!" at the president with the whole world watching and I have the gull to ask ordinary people to be respectful? Absurd. When people (including me) disagreed with president Bush we were called unpatriotic, friends of terrorists, ignorant liberals, and unsympathetic to the lives lost during 9-11. In 2002 Wilson himself accused democrat Bob Filner of "hatred of America" because Filner, debating the Iraq war, pointed out that the U.S. had armed Iraq in the 80's. Wilson also claims to be "pro-life," an assertion that is impossible when voting for the death of Iraqi civilians. Of course, he can justify the war (in his mind) so I'll let him slide. I have one question though, can you be "pro-life" and vote against saving the 18,000 Americans who die every year because they don't go to the doctor because they can't afford it?? Don't mean to be harsh here, but on both fronts he is extremely inconsistent, to the point of hypocritical.

You know, that's what I think. I'm also for completely socializing the medical system and believe Obama's plan is far to weak. (Pauses to hear the lower half of DE decry my faith as well as my value as a person...they then blame it on the entirely capitalistic, extreme right-wing university I attended. Wait...) BUT I will not die on that hill. I will not yell at my friends...I will not doubt their faith...I will not say they are driving America to the brink of hell...I will not sink into the "you're stupid" "No you're stupid" "no you're stupid' "No you're stupid." In the enlightened words of Dave Matthews "That *crap* goes on for a long ---- time." I agree with him...and in the end, what have we gained?? So we disagree. So freakin' what?? Get over yourself...it's not the end of the world...and if it is do you really think you're going to hold it back?? Come on people.

One of my friends put this on his facebook status. He follows Jesus, I know he does. But Jesus gave us two commands that should impact the way we walk through this life at all times. "Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength. And love you neighbor as yourself. ALL THE LAW AND THE PROPHETS HANG ON THESE." His status was this...and no I didn't edit it, it is verbatim: "yup. just got done wasting 5 years of my life working my ass off so that my tax dollars can go to some nasty ass hooker and her F#$%d up pimp so they can whore out little girls, have a house to do it in, and right it off as performing arts. thanks acorn and obama." As I read that I wondered what Jesus thought. I'm rather certain he was somewhere south of thrilled.

I don't care what you believe. Really I don't. But I care what you do with it. So the next time you wanna tell somebody the world is ending, or they hate America, or any other item on the long laundry list of things we humans have been calling each other, please please stop. Maybe save it for the next person, but at least that is one less instance of us flinging crap on each other.

A quote to close: "Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that." Martin Luther King Jr. Let's not forget...the man died for the idea behind that quote.

Peace.

I didn't think, back in may when i last posted, that it would be another two months before I posted again. I really didn't expect it to be this long. A lot has happened...

Why are so many Christians opposed to the idea of giving/receiving therapy? (I must point out here that I draw a distinct difference between "counseling" and "therapy. Counseling is short lived. It's aim is speedy resolution to whatever it is that the counselee is dealing with. Therapy, on the other hand, is long lived. It picks and gnaws at the people who come. It has different aims. Therapy is not content to modify behavior. It does not settle. For example, marriage counseling usually results in couples figuring out how to handle a single topic, say money. This takes a grand total of six to eight to twelve sessions and wah-lah, said couple moves on. Therapy bypasses the money issue up front and gets down to the brass tax of why people are interacting with each in the manner that they are. Counseling is content to settle with the change of a certain interaction, it does not need to kneel and beg the great question, "Why?") So, I have come full circle and ask the questions again: Why are so many Christians opposed to therapy? In case you were wondering, this is not rhetorical, I don't know the answer. Looking back on my life, and I feel I'm being open and honest here, I can never remember a time when I believed that therapy/counseling (yes yes i'm marrying those terms here) were bad. I never remember thinking "Counseling, what a crock." I'm continually amazed at the difference in the reactions I get from people. Some for it, strongly. Some admitting it's ok because, after all, "Some people really need it" (Not them of course). Other times I'm met with a smug sort of opinion that really believes that what I do is a joke. Those last people place what I do somewhere between running a ponzi scheme and being a psychic palm reader. They might not voice it, but their eyes and body language give them away. I'm never sure what to do with that last one. I usually pass it off and move on but then I stop and I wonder, would those people be half as courteous if I informed them that I believe that what they do is a joke? "You teach high school math?? How worthless is that to those kids??" "You build big houses for people who don't need them?? Why that's almost ungodly isn't it??" The other thing I realize is that a lot of people think they could do what I do. It's true. Most of you reading this probably believe that, if you wanted to, you could quite easily do what I do. Honestly a lot of you probably could, that's not the point. The point is that I don't try to teach high school math. I could be a pee-on on a construction crew, but I couldn't draw a house up. I could swing a hammer, but I couldn't design that bridge. The kicker is, half of the people in the world fancy themselves as amateur therapists and the reality is, they would suck at it. If you have ever listened to somebody complain about their life for 45 straight minutes, and the whole time you could see plainly what they were doing wrong, and you then got annoyed at them, you failed. Now, try to do that back to back, a couple of times a day, and then see them again after a week in which they didn't take any of the gentle suggestions you made that only referred to the least, most "trivial" problems they are having because you know that they are not ready to face the heavy issues, even though you see those too.

After those awkward conversations where I feel looked down upon I smile to myself and I think "They have no idea what I know about them...what they gave away in the simple, five minute conversation." In some ways, I take a sort of cruel pleasure in the realization that I know simple things about them that they don't know about themselves. The thing is see...I believe in what I do. I don't feel like those people are complaining. I don't get bogged down by people who are trying to figure themselves out. Do I get frustrated? Sometimes, yeah, I do. But, in the short amount of time i've been doing this, i've seen people make progress. I've seen people take steps that they wouldn't have done otherwise. I also realize that it's foolish for me to expect that other people would possess the same amount of appreciation for the profession as I do. Lets be honest, if they loved it like I do, they would probably do it too.

This was disjointed...to say the least. It is something that has been on my mind though and I thought I would share it. For those of you who disagree and think that therapy is a crock, just smile and nod when you talk to a therapist. Try to hide your feelings...they'll probably see through them, but they'll appreciate the effort.

I wanted to end with a quote from Freud. I know the general public thinks he was a sex addict but he had some amazing things to say about the grieving process. Recently, I have had some clients who have had a lot of reasons to grieve, a lot of reasons. I know too that I have family, both immediate and extended, who are grieving at this very moment. I just want to say, therapeutically speaking, that grieving takes a long time and although everybody moves through the same stages, their manner of travel is different. Give each other space when needed. But more importantly, give each other open hearts and ears and a tightly sealed mouth. People who are grieving need listened to and understood...including you. Don't feel guilty for your grief, don't shove it down, don't pass it over, don't dismiss it because you feel like you should be fine after six months or even two years. Embrace it, let it out, heal, and then you can move on.

"Although we know that after a great loss the acute state of mourning will subside, we also know we shall remain inconsolable and will never find a substitute. No matter what may fill the gap, even if it be filled completely, it never the less remains something else. And actually this is how it should be. It is the only way of perpetuating that love which we do not want to relinquish." -SF